Crossed Wires
by OuijiBoardofDeath
Summary: Somewhere along the line, a few wires got crossed in the whole 'destiny' thing. Yuugi Mutou ended up with the Sennen Ring, and Ryou Bakura with the Sennen Puzzle. And now neither they, nor the spirits in the items, are sure what to make of it.
1. Chapter 1

Ryou was playing in his sandbox, all alone. He didn't have any friends, because all the other kids said he sounded like a girl. And looked like a girl. And played sports like a girl—a girl with a concussion. He, being a small child, wasn't sure exactly what a concussion was, but he knew an insult when he heard one. He'd tried to play with them a few times after that, though, but they'd stopped their previous games to play a new one—they called it 'throw rocks at the little pale boy with white hair'. It wasn't a very concise name, but it did give a good idea of how the game was played.

Ryou had run home crying to his father, who had told him perhaps he shouldn't go near those boys again. So the next day, Ryou tried to join a game of hopscotch with a group of girls. The results were more or less the same—although, this time there were sticks as well as rocks. Once again, he had run home crying to his father, who told him it'd probably be best if he didn't play with the other children. So, he played all alone in his sandbox, and made believe that he weren't so damn girly.

"Ryou!" called his father, peaking his head out of the back door to find his son. "Ryou, come here! I've got a present for you!"

Ryou hurried to his father, curious to find out what the man had for him. Ryou's father bent down and unzipped a suitcase sitting just inside the door. From within it, he pulled a golden box with bizarre markings and hieroglyphics all over it. Proudly, he handed to his son. Ryou looked inside to see a pile of oddly shaped slabs of gold.

"It's… nice," he said hesitantly.

"It's a puzzle!" exclaimed his father. "Something for you to do that's a little less creepy than playing all alone in a sandbox!"

"A solid gold puzzle?" Ryou asked, looking up at his father. "That's… that's a little insane, dad. I mean—it's made of solid gold! How much did this cost? And where on Earth did you even get it?"

"Why, I got it in Egypt!" his father said, ruffling his hair with good-natured mirth.

"You went to Egypt…?"

"Yes!" exclaimed the man, smiling. "I was gone for a month. Don't you remember?"

"…I remember accidentally getting locked out of the house for a month," Ryou said, considering. "I just thought since it was spring time, you decided that the sunlight would be good for my pasty skin."

"No, no," said his father, waving away that possibility. "I was in Egypt."

"…why didn't you take me?"

"What's that, now?"

"Why didn't you take me with you to Egypt?"

Ryou's father considered the question for a very long moment. Finally, he answered, "It never really occurred to me. Sorry, my boy! Now, run along and play with your solid gold puzzle!"

#

"Grandpa!" Yuugi yelled as he came down the stairs from his room, hands clasped behind his head. "Grandpa?"

"What is it?" asked Sugoroku, slightly irritated. He was behind the counter of the quaint little game shop, neatly ordering the games therein.

"I'm bored," Yuugi said. "There's nothing to do…"

"Well, if you had any friends instead of being a weird, little, anti-social, munchkin," grumbled the old man.

Yuugi raised his eyebrows. "What, Grandpa?"

"Er, I said," Sugoroku began hesitantly. "I said go check the back shelf in the store room. I have a few things I picked up from abroad back there… Some of them are games."

"Why would you put non-games in the storage room?" Yuugi asked, frowning.

"Because I don't have a lot of room elsewhere," answered his grandfather. "Now stop bothering me so I can get some work done!"

"Oh, silly grandpa," laughed the boy. "What you do isn't work!"

"That! That right there is _exactly_ why you have no friends," snapped Sugoroku.

Yuugi frowned. "You don't have to put it so bluntly," he said sadly, opening the door to the store room. He walked in, slouching and thinking about how crappy it was that his only friend was Anzu—a girl who literally would not shut up about the virtues of friendship. Did she even realize just how insensitive that is when you're around someone no one wants to hang out with?

He rummaged through the shelf, picking up boxes with foreign writing on them and examining them briefly before putting them down again. Here and there he came across items that were not, in fact games, which he promptly pushed aside. The boy sighed and picked up another box, raising his eyebrow. He looked over the title, written in English, and read it aloud. "Sexopoly."

He paused for a moment, considering the word. "Hm. Sounds kinky," he finally decided, and opened the lid to take a look. He was disappointed to find only a bizarre ring with a pyramid at its centre and pointers along its rim within. He pulled it out of the box and looked at it, before returning to the front of the shop proper.

"What's this, Grandpa?" Yuugi asked Sugoroku holding it up.

"Hm? Where did you get that?" Sugoroku asked, mildly surprised.

"It was in your Sexopoly box. What is it?"

"Oh, I got it in Egypt some time ago—it's some sort of necklace," he said, and then scratched his chin. "But, if that was in the Sexopoly box, then where did all those little plastic penises and that little metal tophat from the Sexopoly game get off to…?"

"A necklace?" Yuugi asked examining it. "Sweet! That's just what I need! A big, gaudy necklace that I can wear around everywhere, and when people see it, they'll ask 'hey, Yuugi? What's that? It's uber-cool and you're uber-cool for wearing it!' And then they'll want to be my friends!"

He grinned and sprinted toward the stairs. "I'm going to find a string to run through it!" he said. "Thanks Gramps!"

"Okay," Sugoroku said, calling up to him. "But if you come across any little plastic penises, you let me know, alright?"

Yuugi set the ring on his bed as he searched his draws for something to hang it from. Finally, he found a length of leather string which he strung through the hole at its top, which appeared to have been built into it for just that purpose. "Popularity, here I come!" he exclaimed, slipping the rope around his neck. All of the sudden, a dark presence filled him, and he became aware of something very evil lurking within the golden recesses of the ring. Yuugi's knees buckled and he fell on the bed, eyes wide—or, rather, wider than usual.

#

It had been many years since Ryou had gotten the puzzle. His father was positively loony, so he'd been changing schools often and still had no friends—their latest residence was Domino City, which was full of crime and quite frankly terrified Ryou to the point he refused to go outside except to go to school and then come straight home. But all his time inside did give him the chance to work on the puzzle almost obsessively. Years and years of hard work and he still hadn't finished it. It was really beginning to piss him off. But, ever since moving to Domino, it seemed like he was making more lee way with it.

Late at night, he sat on his bed, legs crossed, puzzle in front of him, humming a tune to himself as he worked on it. There were many nights like this. Though, it was mostly because he had insomnia due to night terrors involving vivid images of his sister Amane dying a brutal death in a bloody car accident. His father had once considered taking him to therapy about that, but had later decided not to on the grounds of "screw it". Then he went to Egypt to buy more solid gold puzzles, but was disappointed to discover they were all out.

He clicked another piece of the puzzle into place, and then another. Finally, he clicked the last piece into place, grinning with private satisfaction. He held the puzzle up and examined it. "Oh, a pyramid," he said to himself, and then pursed his lips. "…that country's not much for originality, it seems…"

He turned it over in his hands, and then set it down on his bed. He looked at it for a few minutes, and then picked it up again. "Well, that was a colossal waste of time," he muttered. "I could have been playing in my sandbox with my Barbie dolls…"

The puzzle flashed brilliantly, then. Ryou yelped in surprised and dropped it. That's when a spirit—one that stood effeminately and had outrageous hair—appeared before him, staring him down with enormous eyes.

"Don't drop it, you'll break it!" said the spirit of the puzzle. "You took long enough to put it together the first time!"

"Sorry," Ryou said quickly. "…uh, I don't want to seem rude, buuut… Who, exactly, are you?"

The spirit frowned and looked around. "I could ask you the same thing," he said. "Not a bit of this really feels right…"

"I'll say," concurred Ryou.

"Silence!" commanded the spirit of the puzzle. "I need time to think… I'll discuss this later."

And, with that, he disappeared into the puzzle again. Ryou blinked and set the artefact on his bedside table. "Strange fellow," he murmured. "Particularly the hair… And the translucence…"


	2. Chapter 2

The spirit of the ring rubbed his chin. Something about his new host seemed un-right to him. Very, very un-right. He seemed somehow familiar. But not in the good way. No, he seemed familiar in the mortal enemy way. Which, by the way, was the worst way for someone to seem familiar in. Even worse a way when you don't have a choice in having to associate with them.

Even if that un-right feeling had not been present, Bakura still would not have been pleased with his new host. The boy was short. Like, freak-show short. And he had giant eyes. Like, freak-show giant. How old was this kid, anyway? Twelve? He looked twelve… Then again, it didn't seem like any twelve-year-old should have such an obvious preoccupation with bondage-wear. That was just unsettling. Bakura made up his mind immediately that that wardrobe just had to go. First chance he got at it, he was getting that boy some sensible clothes.

Yuugi stared at the spirit with wide, red-purple eyes. Breathlessly, he asked, "Are you a genie? Do I get three wishes now?"

"…depends on what those wishes are, I guess," Bakura answered, placing his hands on his hips. "Do you want to launch the world into eternal, everlasting darkness?"

"A little," Yuugi told him shrugging.

"Your wish is my command, then."

"No, wait! I didn't mean it!" objected Yuugi quickly, thrusting up a hand as though to stop the spirit.

"Well, I'm still doing it," Bakura responded.

"What?" Yuugi exclaimed. "That's a terrible thing for a genie to do!"

"I'm _not_ a genie," Bakura snapped. "I'm a spirit."

"It's still a perfectly rotten thing to do," Yuugi said. "I won't let you!"

Bakura laughed. "You don't _have_ a choice in the matter!"

Yuugi pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. "This is the worst game of Sexopoly ever!" he said, and the King of Thieves raised an eyebrow at him.

#

Ryou walked briskly along his morning route to school, as he did everyday, his book bag slung over one shoulder and his uniform buttoned to his throat. His eyes darted about constantly as he stayed ever-vigilant for the threat of danger. Domino City was a bad neighbourhood all around. Even the rich parts of town were full of crazy people!

He caught sight of something out of the corner of his eye, following beside him and turned his head with a start, only to see the same spirit from before following after him.

"Wait, wait—don't be alarmed. Ra, you're jumpy!" said the Pharaoh. "I'm not going to hurt you. I mean, I can't. Look at me! No physical substance!"

"Oh," Ryou said, slightly relieved. "I guess that's right…"

"You guess? It _is_ right! Damn right!" he exclaimed, shaking his fist. "Why, I ought to throttle you for your insolence!"

"Please don't."

"Well, I can't," the spirit said blandly. "Duh."

"…I know you're a spirit, but," Ryou began, biting his lip. "But, do you have some sort of concussion or something?"

The Pharaoh frowned. "I… think my brain got a bit jostled when the puzzle was broken up," he answered after thinking about it for some time. "So, I guess I do have a concussion—insofar as it's possible for a spirit to have a concussion."

"Maybe you should lay down that," Ryou suggested. "That's what my dad had me do last time I got a concussion."

"Advice dully noted," the Pharaoh responded. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid it wouldn't do me much good, seeing as how I'm a freaking spirit. But thanks. You're definitely the one I'll come to next time I need pointless advice."

"My, aren't we catty?" muttered Ryou as he crossed the street.

"Sorry," sighed the Pharaoh. "It's just been a really long… three millennia. Like, _really_ long. Longer than any other three millennia of my _life_."

"Understandable," responded the boy as they neared the school. "How'd you end up in my puzzle anyway?"

"I don't remember, but I think it had something to do with Ancient Egyptian Voodoo Magic," answered the spirit. "And it's _my_ puzzle—you're just renting space!"

Ryou tilted his head to the side slightly. "Actually, I own it now, and you live inside of it, it seems, so I think _you're_ the one who's renting space."

The Pharaoh ground his teeth. "Curse you and your modern logic," he spat, turning away. "Where are we, anyway?"

"School," Ryou answered, smiling slightly to himself. This was the longest conversation he'd ever held with someone who was technically part of his age group.

"Bor-ring," the Pharaoh said. "Let's go play games!"

"Games?" Ryou asked. "Why on Earth…?"

"For fun, silly albino boy!"

"I'm not albino," Ryou said, defensively. "I'm just exceedingly pale."

"Your hair is white," the spirit pointed out.

"And yours is three separate colours," responded Ryou. He didn't notice the people staring at him as he walked down the halls of the school, talking to himself. Then again, it didn't mean much, as they already sort of thought he was a bit nutty. Now they just thought he was completely nutty. They would've avoided him all the same, however. Ryou entered his classroom and took a seat behind his desk.

"Touché," the Pharaoh said. "Well played, lad."

"My name's Ryou," Ryou said. "Not 'lad'. …speaking of, what's your name?"

The spirit faltered. "I have no clue," he admitted. "…but I hope it's Scrotumarioshaftus. That would be the best name ever."

"Doesn't sound very Egyptian…"

"It doesn't have to," smirked the Pharaoh.

"I'm not calling you that," Ryou said. The spirit's expression fell.

"You're no fun," he said and sat down on the desk, moping.

Ryou shrugged and bent down to pull out his school supplies. The door of the classroom opened and Yuugi entered with Anzu beside him, jabbering on about the virtues of friendship. Yuugi dully nodded in agreement and sighed, taking his seat. The moment the Pharaoh saw him, he sat straight up and focused all his attention on the boy.

"…And it's the power of friendship that will overcome all obstacles in one's life," Anzu was saying to the short teen as she stood over his desk. "Because nothing in the world is so powerful as having friends you love and who love you. Friendship is the only thing in the world that means anything at all, and…"

Yuugi slumped in his chair, resting his head on his hand. He nodded, but was really thinking to himself, _Damn I'd like to strangle her. If only I didn't have these puny arms, I'd do it! What a bitch, man! She knows I don't have any friends. She's trying to make me feel sad and pathetic and left-out, I think. …no, I'm being paranoid. She's just really stupid. But, still—I' like to kill her right here!_

Little did he know that Anzu _was_ in fact purposely giving the speech so he'd feel bad about not having friends.

The Pharaoh's eyes widened as he looked at Yuugi from a far. "Ra," he said to himself. "That boy's magnificent!"

Ryou glanced up. "That's Yuugi," he told the spirit. "He's almost as friendless as me."

"You said 'almost'," the Pharaoh noted. "That makes him slightly better!"

Ryou pursed his lips. "That's not very nice…"

"Sorry, but what can I say?" shrugged the spirit. "I'm smitten!"

"Too bad you're just a spirit," Ryou said, doodling on his notebook paper absent-mindedly. "…it's actually kind of funny how closely he resembles you, isn't it…?"

The pharaoh didn't answer, but instead sighed longingly as he watched Yuugi. Suddenly, a shiver went down Yuugi's spine, across the room. "Anzu," he said, turning to the girl. "Did you ever have a moment where you just felt inexplicably creeped out for no reason at all?"

Anzu paused for a moment and thought about it. "Well," she said finally. "I once thought so, but it turned out to really be for a reason, because some guy was looking over the stall while I was in the bathroom."

"That's… really disheartening," Yuugi said.

Anzu shrugged. "I got over it," she said. "Why, I now almost consider Honda a friend! And friendship is—"

"Oh, just shut it already!" said Yuugi, hurling his notebook at her.


	3. Chapter 3

Anzu yawned and leaned back in her chair, checking her watch. 12:34. With a sigh, she looked down at the essay on her desk. It wasn't even half finished. If only she hadn't made Yuugi so mad at her today with her pointed speeches on friendship, she might've gotten him to help her. It was a very long paper, and it was due the next morning…

She smiled to herself. It had been worth it, though. She didn't like Yuugi all that much, anyway—pathetic, friendless little munchkin. She chuckled to herself and had just started to write again, when a soft sound made her head snap up. She turned around to see a distinctly familiar figure approaching her.

"Yuugi?" she said. It was him, of course—that weirdo hair of his was unmistakeable. Did he think that looked good, or something? It can't have been natural, despite his constant protests that it was… But there was something different about him at night. Something dark. Something sinister. Something that allowed him to scale the wall of her apartment and climb through her window on the tenth floor! "Yuugi… are you Spiderman?"

Yuugi chuckled and shook his head.

"Are you… a rapist?" Anzu asked. Her cell phone was across the room, by the door… Maybe if she ran real fast she could push him over and get it.

"No," he said. "I'm not even Yuugi."

Anzu frowned and put her hands on her hips. "Well, that's just absurd. Unless you're a ten-year-old in a marijuana leaf-shaped wig, you _have_ to be Yuugi."

"You've upset my host today," he said, still advancing.

Anzu shrugged. "I upset lots of people every day," she said. "…do you want to help me on my paper?"

Yuugi paused. "I don't know," he said. "What's it about?"

"Torture methods of the ancient world."

"Then, hell yes!" said Yuugi, sitting down on her bed. "That is _so_ my area! What have you got so far…?"

#

"In conclusion," Anzu said as she wrote. "The ancient world was a cruel one, full of cruel devices, including—but not limited to—the aforementioned tools, like the Brazen Bull."

"It's a bit of weak of an ending," Yuugi commented. "Especially the 'in conclusion' bit. Maybe we should rework it."

"I think it sounds fine," Anzu said, frowning.

"Then you shall feel my wrath!" exclaimed Yuugi, standing quickly. "Batsu Game!"

Anzu screamed, and her parents heard her, but neither one wanted to investigate. Much like everyone else she'd ever subjected to a friendship speech, they had long since decided that if anything happened to her that they could stop, they wouldn't.

#

Yuugi woke up on his bed, fully clothed. He couldn't remember having fallen asleep.

"Man, that's the last time I do LSD while playing Tetris," he muttered to himself, sitting up. He felt something in his hand and looked down to find a little lead doll with a suspicious likeness to Anzu. "Weird…"

He set it on his desk and rubbed his head. The boy sluggishly descended the stairs from his room. The Ring flashed, and the spirit appeared beside him.

"Guess what I did last night," Bakura said to Yuugi.

"I dunno," Yuugi said tiredly. "Became thumb-wrestling champion for the Western Hemisphere?"

"No," said the spirit. "And that's a very odd thing to guess…"

"Really?" Yuugi asked, raising his eyebrows. "I thought it was a pretty good guess… I mean, I'd be bragging about it, so I just thought… Oh, never mind."

"Yuugi," Sugoroku said, interrupting their conversation. "Have you seen what's on the news?"

"Yeah," Yuugi said.

"Aren't you shocked at all by it?"

"Oh. You mean _today's_ news," Yuugi laughed. "In that case, no. No I have not. What's wrong?"

"They found that friend of yours, Anzu, in a coma in her room," said his grandpa. "No one knows how it happened…"  
Yuugi's eyes widened as, beside him, the spirit of the ring chuckled heartily.

"Well," said Sugoroku, turning away. "Have a good day at school."

The old man disappeared into the kitchen, and Yuugi stood there, frozen, on the stairs. He turned slowly to Bakura, who smiled broadly.

"You… did something to Anzu, didn't you?" asked Yuugi numbly.

Bakura nodded.

"You bastard—I'll kill you!" exclaimed Yuugi, suddenly snapping. He punched toward the spirit, but his fist hit only the wall beyond him. With a yelp, Yuugi recoiled and held his hand gingerly.

"I doubt that would've hurt too much, even if you could hit me," Bakura said dryly.

Yuugi pouted and hurried down the stairs again, picking up his backpack at the bottom and hurrying out the door. The spirit followed along after him. "Stop following me, you awful, awful man!" Yuugi hissed. "I don't want you around."

"I did you a favour!" spat Bakura. "That girl was a total bitch!"

"Yeah, she was," Yuugi said. "But that doesn't mean you can just… put her in a coma!"

"I didn't _just_ put her in a coma," replied the thief indignantly. "I also turned her soul into a snazzy lead figurine!"

"That's not any better!"

"Fair enough," Bakura said. "But you must admit—that was one snazzy figurine."

Yuugi frowned. It was pretty snazzy. Of course, he wasn't about to tell Bakura that, and encourage him to do something like this again. "I only had one friend," Yuugi said. "And you turned her soul to lead."

"You can make other friends," Bakura said, indifferently, waving off Yuugi's anger.

"No I can't!" Yuugi yelled. "No one likes me!"

"That's because you dress like you're in a bad S&M porno," said the spirit dryly. "And your hair looks like you stuck your finger in a light socket.

"I did, actually," Yuugi told him. "I was four at the time. My hair hasn't gone down since."

"Ra, did you at least go see a doctor afterwards?"

Yuugi shook his head. "My parents didn't find it medically relevant," he said.

"Maybe that's what stunted your growth," said Bakura.

Yuugi frowned and asked, "Do you really think so?" Bakura nodded solemnly.

They continued on quietly. "I'm sorry for yelling at you, and punching you," Yuugi said finally.

"You didn't punch me, actually," Bakura said. "If anything, you just sort of punched yourself."

"Well, anyway, I'm sorry," Yuugi said. "Friends?"

Bakura snorted. "Just because you're weird and clingy and I effectively killed your last friend doesn't mean that _I'll_ be your new friend," he said.

Yuugi's face fail. "Damn," he said. "I thought that was exactly what it'd mean… Okay, how about, just if I make any more friends, could you not turn them into lead figurines?"

Bakura considered the question for a moment. Finally, he answered, "I'll decide that on a case by case basis."

"Well, if that's the best I'm going to get," Yuugi said, frowning. "Thanks, I guess… I mean, it's unlikely that I'll get more friends, anyway…"

"That's the spirit!" beamed Bakura.


	4. Chapter 4

Ryou watched the news as he ate his breakfast. Beside him, the Pharaoh pouted, watching him. "What do you keep staring at me for?" asked Ryou, between mouthfuls of cereal.

"You're just so _boring_," the Pharaoh said, crossing his arms.

"I am not!" objected Ryou. He was.

"We haven't played a single game since you completed the puzzle," said the spirit. "All you do is go to school, and come home, and do your homework, and write stupid letters to your stupid dead sister."

"She's not stupid," said Ryou, scowling. "And what is your preoccupation with games, anyway?"

"I don't have a preoccupation," said the spirit of the puzzle stubbornly. "It's more of a… obsession."

"That's the same thing."

The Pharaoh raised his eyebrows. "Really?" he asked. "When did those come to mean the same thing?"

"I'm pretty sure they always have."

"Well, that's disheartening news," responded the spirit. He turned his face toward the television and sat up slightly, uncrossing his arms. "Hey, isn't that one of your classmates on the news? The girl who spent all of yesterday talking about friendship?"

Ryou looked up. "It is," he said, and frowned. "Poor Anzu…"

"Poor Anzu?" demanded the spirit. "What about poor Yuugi? That was his friend! He must be feeling terrible! We have to go comfort him!"

Ryou took another bite of his breakfast. "You're beginning to get pretty creepy," commented the boy to the spirit. He took another bite of his breakfast.

"What are you doing?" asked the Pharaoh. "We need to find Yuugi and comfort him!"

"I'll see him at school," Ryou said. "There's really no hurry—"

"There's a hurry when I tell you there is!" yelled the spirit, standing. "Now, come on, Whitey! We've got to go!"

"Whitey?"

"Let's go!" screamed the Pharaoh.

"But I'm not done with my breakfast," murmured Ryou.

The puzzle flashed and the Pharaoh took control of Ryou's body. With a swipe of his arm, he knocked the bowl of cereal to the ground where it shattered. Then, he relinquished control of the body back to Ryou, who stared at the ground and then back up at the spirit. "I think you're done."

"If you can possess my body," Ryou said. "Why not just go to school with it, instead of breaking a perfectly good bowl and making a huge mess? I'm going to have to clean this up, now, you know. It's not going to be fun."

The Pharaoh pouted. _Nothing_ about Ryou, or his life, was fun.

#

"It is sort of nice, I guess, to not have Anzu around, giving me one of those long winded talks about friendship," Yuugi admitted as he sat at his desk before school.

Bakura grinned. "I knew you'd come around… to the dark side."

"I haven't come around to the dark side," snapped Yuugi. The spirit shrugged indifferently and turned away.

"Whatever," he muttered.

Ryou entered the room, Pharaoh behind him—visible only to him—prodding him touchlessly in the back. Somewhat nervously, Ryou approached Yuugi. "Hi, Yuugi," he said. The shorter boy looked up at him. "I heard about what happened to Anzu on the news. I'm so sorry."

"Oh," Yuugi said. "Thanks, Bakura."

Beside him, the spirit of the ring stiffened and turned around quickly. "Bakura?" he asked, raising one eyebrow. Ryou went to his seat quietly.

"Yeah," Yuugi said, looking up at him. "That was Bakura Ryou. He's a classmate of mine…"

Bakura stared across the classroom at the white-haired boy, curiously.

"Is something wrong?" Yuugi asked after a moment.

"No," answered Bakura, somewhat hesitantly. "No… He just… Has my name."

"Weird," Yuugi said, glancing back at Ryou as well.

The spirit of the Pharaoh leaned on Ryou's desk, staring at Yuugi. "Look at him, undressing me with his eyes," purred the spirit to Ryou.

"He can't even see you," Ryou said blandly.

"Fine, then," sighed the Pharaoh. "He's not. …but if he could see me, he would be."

"How do you figure?"

"Well, just look at that come-hither look he's got," said the Pharaoh pointing. He smirked. "He wants me. Badly."

"He doesn't even know you exist," sighed Ryou.

"Well, he's still got the hots for me, regardless," said the Pharaoh.

"You're… You're damned insane."

"Am not," sniffed the Pharaoh. "I know when a high school boy wants my fine ass. And this is one of those times!"

Ryou sighed. He gave up. The spirit of the puzzle was a nutter. A qualified, full-fledged nutter. The irony of him thinking this about a spirit only he could see, however, was lost on him.

"Hey, Spirit," Yuugi said to Bakura. "Are you alright?"

"Hm?"

"You've been staring at Bakura for twenty minutes now," he said.

"There's just… something odd about him," he said, resting his head on his hand.

"I'll say," Yuugi said. "I keep feeling like he's staring at me, but when I look over he's got his head down."

"I've been watching," Bakura said. "He hasn't been staring."

Yuugi frowned. "You sure?" he asked. "He seems like the stalker-sort to me…"

The ring started to glow slightly, and Yuugi let out a slight yelp. "It's attacking me!" he said. "Help me, Spirit!"

Bakura narrowed his eyes and leaned around to look at the Sennen Ring. "It's not attacking you," he said. "Grow a pair."

"I have a pair, thankyouverymuch," spat Yuugi. One of the pointers of the ring raised itself up. "What's going on?"

"There's a Sennen Item near by," said Bakura.

"A Sennen Item?" asked Yuugi. "Like the Ring? …does that mean my uber-awesome necklace will be made less uber-special?"

Bakura nodded.

"Where is it?" Yuugi asked. "I can't let someone else distract from my amazing neck-wear! I haven't even made any new friends yet!"

Bakura looked. "The white haired boy must have it," he said.

Yuugi gasped. "Of course!" he said. "He's almost as friendless as me!"

"Just as friendless, now that you haven't got any."

"Exactly!" said Yuugi, turning around in his seat. "He must have gotten a hold of one of these gaudy Egyptian necklaces in the hopes that it would get people to see how awesome he was, too!"

"…I doubt that," Bakura said. "In any case, though, we have to take it from him."

"Of course," Yuugi said. "…wait, why do _you_ want to take it from him?"

"Personal reasons."

"Oh, alright," said Yuugi.

"Ask him over," Bakura said. "We'll take it from him when he's at your house…"

Yuugi nodded and turned around. "Hey, Bakura?"

"Mm?" Ryou looked up.

"Want to come over my house today?" Yuugi asked. "We can play Sexopoly."

"Say yes," hissed the Pharaoh. "Say yes!"

"But, I don't want to," Ryou murmured. "My Dad told me not to trust anyone in this city, and Yuugi's a bit weird."

"Say yes, Anpu damn you!" screamed the Pharaoh.

"Fine, alright," murmured Ryou. He turned to Yuugi again. "Ah, yeah. Okay."

Bakura tented his fingers. "It's all falling into place," he smirked.

"Yeah," Yuugi said. "…but, wait—I still haven't found all the pieces to my Sexopoly game. How will we play?"

"You idiot, we _won't_ play!"

"Oh," murmured Yuugi, face falling.


	5. Chapter 5

"Okay," said Bakura to Yuugi, as they started home from school, Ryou following them, somewhat distracted by his own Sennen Spirit. "Here's what we're going to do—"

"What are we going to do?" Yuugi asked eagerly. "Break his kneecaps?"

"No, we're going to—"

"Push him out the window?"

"No, we'll—"

"Taser him with my grandpa's Rape Taser?"

"Will you stop interrupting!"

"Sorry," apologized Yuugi sheepishly. "This makes me feel like I'm in the mafia, and it's making me excited. I've never been in the mafia before!"

"You're not in the mafia," said Bakura.

"Oh," said Yuugi, disappointed. "Fine… How are we getting the thing?"

"We're going to play a game," said Bakura, eyes glinting maliciously.

"A game?" Yuugi asked. "You're big plan is to play a game? That's why you told me to shut up?"

"It'll be an evil game," Bakura told him. "A sinister, monstrous game."

"Sexopoly?" suggested Yuugi hopefully. The spirit glared at him.

The Pharaoh leaned on Ryou's shoulder. "Now, then," he told the boy. "When we get to Yuugi's place, you let me do the talking."

"I can't," Ryou said.

"Oh, trying to corner in on my man, huh?" asked the Pharaoh, scowling.

"No," Ryou said. "I mean, you're not corporeal. How the hell do you expect to do the talking?"

"Oh," the spirit said. "Well, I'll possess you."

"I'm not going to let you possess me!" objected Ryou. "Enough people already think I'm gay without me coming on to Yuugi!"

"But, it won't be _you_—"

"Still no!" Ryou said. "It'd be even worse if you tried to tell him you were an ancient spirit possessing my body!"

The Pharaoh shrugged. "It wouldn't be _so_ bad," he mumbled. "Maybe he'd understand…"

"Do you realize just how unlikely that is?" asked Ryou dryly.

Yuugi and Ryou walked along, not talking to one another, but both busily in conversation with the spirits of their Sennen Items. Yuugi was in a fierce argument with Bakura about what game they'd be playing as they walked down the mostly empty sidewalk. He didn't even see Jonouchi at the corner of the street, directly in front of him, waiting for the crossing light to come on. He crashed hard into his classmate, sending him to the ground while merely unbalancing Jonouchi for a moment.

"Hey, jerkoff!" said Jonouchi, wheeling around. "What's the big idea? Can't you watch where the fuck you're going?"

"Sorry," mumbled Yuugi, bowing his head. Jonouchi's gaze softened slightly.

"Oh, it's you, Yuugi," he said, as Ryou helped the shorter boy to his feet again. "You couldn't watch where you were walking with those giant eyes?"

"My eyes aren't giant," Yuugi muttered, hurt.

"Yeah they are," said Bakura. "I'm surprised you can't see through space with them."

The Sennen Ring caught Jonouchi's eye. "Are you wearing a solid gold necklace?" he asked.

Yuugi nodded proudly. "Sure am," he said. "It's the Sennen Ring, and it's full of ancient Egyptian magic!"

"Say what, now?" asked the Pharaoh beside Ryou.

"Shush, boy!" hissed Bakura to Yuugi. "You're going to blow our whole 'play a game' plan!"

"Oh," Jonouchi said. It was obviously more information than he'd asked for. "That's… cool."

"Really?" said Yuugi. "Do you really think so?!"

"Mm, I guess," Jonouchi said, taking a step away from Yuugi, and glancing across the street to see if the light had changed. It hadn't.

"Does that mean you want to be my friend?" Yuugi asked eagerly, taking two steps forward to close the space Jonouchi had put between them.

"Uh, yeah, sure," said the blonde. "Oh, look at that. Light's changed. See you at school."

Before Yuugi could say anything else, Jonouchi had dashed across the street, and was walking briskly away. Yuugi stared after him, smiling.

"It worked!" Yuugi said to Bakura. "This necklace has made me a new friend!"

"Didn't really seem to me that he wanted too badly to be your friend," remarked the spirit.

"Nonsense," Yuugi said, dismissively. "He said we were friends. I have a friend!"

"That's great," said Bakura boredly. "Now, come on—let's hurry up and get to your house so we can take this boy's Sennen Item."

"But… I made a friend, and he didn't," Yuugi said. "I'm cool! It doesn't matter if he has a crazy Egyptian voodoo necklace, because I had one first, and I'm cooler than him!"

"Whatever," Bakura said. "But I'm still going to need that item, you see."

"But we don't have to break his kneecaps now!"

"We weren't going to break his knee caps in the first place," said Bakura with an exasperated sigh. He was beginning to think that his new host might have been a crack baby, or something similar.

"Oh," said Yuugi. "Well, what were we doing then?"

"Playing a batsu game," sighed Bakura.

"Hey, I love games just as much as anyone," Yuugi said. "But… that's sort of a lame plan."

"You'll see," Bakura murmured disagreeably.

"He's got a Sennen Item, too," Ryou said to the Pharaoh as they watched the exchange between Yuugi and Jonouchi. "Do you think he also has a crazy spirit inside of his, what lusts after random classmates?"

"Look at him, trying to get my man away from me," the Pharaoh said, watching Jonouchi cross the street. "That bitch has got to die."

"You can't kill anyone!" said Ryou, alarmed.

"That's what he gets for messing around with my guy," said the spirit, with a shrug.

"He's not messing around with anyone!" Ryou said, trying to calm the Pharaoh down. "If anything, Yuugi bumped into _him_!"

The Pharaoh snapped his face toward Ryou with attitude. "Are you calling my precious, leather-coated _God_ a trollop?" he demanded.

"No," said Ryou quickly. "No, not at all."

"Good," said the Pharaoh. "Means I won't have to break your knee caps."

"Why would you break my knee caps?" Ryou asked. "That'd be a mean thing to do…"

The Pharaoh shrugged. "Don't blame me," he said. "I'm smitten. It's a genuine medical condition."

"Is not," responded Ryou. "But, as I was saying, do you think maybe he has a spirit in his Sennen Item, too?"

The Pharaoh frowned. "I don't know," he admitted. "But if he has got one, that floozy better back the hell off my man before I stick my ethereal foot right up his or her ass."

"You're… really quite terrifying," Ryou said timidly. "I mean, you hardly know Yuugi and you're… stalking him."

"I'm not stalking him," said the Pharaoh, crossing his arms. "Though, coincidently, can I borrow your body sometime in the near future so I can sneak up to his window in the middle of the night and watch him sleep?"

"Hey, Bakura," Yuugi said, as he started to walk. "Come on—what's taking you?"

"Sorry," said Ryou, and resumed walking alongside Yuugi. However, it was not really Yuugi he was walking alongside of.

The Pharaoh Frowned. "Something's wrong with my little crotch-muffin," he said.

"The fact that you just called him a crotch-muffin is disturbing beyond words," responded Ryou. "If you're going to keep stalking him, you _really_ need to come up with some less disgusting pet names."

"How about 'sex steed'? Oooh, 'leather shaft-machine'? Or, oh, I like this one—'gooey butt-mountain'?"

"How about none at all?" suggested Ryou, blushing slightly.


	6. Chapter 6

The Kame Game Shop was, as usual, clean and empty, save for Sugoroku, sitting behind the counter, lazily watching the door. Yuugi entered, Ryou behind him, and the old man straightened up.

"My God, Yuugi!" exclaimed Sugoroku. "Is that a _friend_ with you?"

"Yes, it is," said the spirit-possessed Yuugi.

"That's not true!" shouted the real Yuugi beside him. "Bakura's a weirdo—I don't want to be his friend! This is slander! Slander, I say!"

"Pipe down," Bakura hissed. "Only I can hear you, anyway, and I don't care."

"This isn't fair!" Yuugi said. "Give me my body back!"

"No."

"Aw," whined Yuugi. "Why not?"

"Because I have a Sennen Item to get," said Bakura. "You can have it back afterwards."

"Alright," Yuugi said. "But… you're not going to do to Bakura what you did to Anzu, right? …right?"

The spirit only smirked as he headed up the stairs, Ryou following behind him.

"Something's terribly wrong with my darling Yuugi," said the Pharaoh. "I think something terrible is about to go down."

"You're the one who made me come here," Ryou told him. "If it were up to me, we'd be at home, now, drinking tea and watching the news."

"That's because you're devoid of personality," snapped the Pharaoh.

Ryou pouted, but ignored him. "Besides," he said. "What's _Yuugi_ going to do to us? Rape us?"

"If only," sighed the spirit of the puzzle.

Ryou entered Yuugi's room at the top of the stairs. Behind him, the shorter teen closed the door. Ryou looked around the room for a moment, noting that it was really very messy. He turned to face the possessed Yuugi and asked, "Say, back there, you said something about having a Sennen Item, didn't you?"

"Why, yes, it seems I did," Bakura said.

"Please don't hurt him," Yuugi said, tugging at the sleeve of his uniform with his ethereal hands. Bakura ignored him.

"That's strange," Ryou said. "I've got one, too, you see, and… Uh, I'm going to sound crazy here, but… Is there a spirit in yours?"

"Hey, so long as you're telling him about me," the Pharaoh piped up. "Could you tell him I love him?"

"I'm not saying that," said Ryou, blushing slightly.

"Oh, it's fine," said the spirit, waving off his response. "Just tell him it's from me."

"That's no better!" Ryou said. "Do you realize how creepy that sounds?"

"No. I do not. Now, do it, or else I will!" the Pharaoh said huffily.

"I'm not—"

The next instant, Ryou found himself no longer in possession of his body.

"Hey, that's a cheap trick!" said Ryou. "Come on, this really is not funny. I have to deal with all this, you know. It won't just go away."

"Shush, now," the Pharaoh said. "You're just making yourself look whiney."

In front of the door, Bakura was watching Ryou silently.

"Man… He sure does space out a lot, doesn't he?" asked Yuugi after a bit. Bakura nodded.

"I don't think he's alone," Bakura said. "I think there's someone in his Sennen Item…"

"What?" Yuugi asked. "Not only are there more of those items, but there are more _spirits_? Oh, you have to be shitting me!"

"No, I am not," Bakura said.

"Well, I hope _his_ isn't as big a prick as you are, Mr. I'm Going To Take Your Body and Kill Random Classmates So I Can Steal Their Gaudy Necklaces," Yuugi said, crossing his arms.

"Not kill," said Bakura. "Merely… coma-tize."

Little did Yuugi know that Ryou's Sennen spirit was, in fact, just as big a prick.

"Don't do this," pleaded Ryou. "He'll think I'm insane!"

"Sorry," said the Pharaoh. "I can't hear you over the sound of my burning passion!"

"You liar!" Ryou said. "Burning passion doesn't make any sounds."

"Huh. Like you'd know," snerked the Pharaoh.

Ryou crossed his arms and pouted. He couldn't think of a proper comeback. As a matter of fact, the only comeback that came to his mind was 'I could know'. And that was lame. Too lame to even try.

A crash downstairs distracted the warring teenagers and spirits for a moment.

"Grandpa!" Yuugi exclaimed. He looked at Bakura. "Go downstairs! I have to make sure he's alright!"

"No," Bakura said. "You can check on him later. We've got an item to steal."

"But, what if someone shot him?" Yuugi said. "He could be dead later!"

"Oh, at his age I'm sure death would be welcome," Bakura said, waving him off.

"That's it, you awful ghost!" Yuugi exclaimed. "I'm turning this car right around!"

"What car?"

The Sennen Ring flashed, and Bakura found himself once again just a spirit. "You little wretch!" he said.

Yuugi wasn't listening. He spun around and threw open the door. "Grandpa, are you alright?" he screamed as he bolted down the stairs.

"Crotch muffin! Wait for me!" exclaimed the Pharaoh, following after him.

On the ground floor, in the game shop, Sugoroku lay on the ground, face quickly bruising, behind the smashed glass counter. Yuugi ran to him and knelt beside him. He asked, "What happened, Grandpa?"

"Some… kid came in here looking for a Duel Monster card," he answered, sitting up with his grandson's assistance. There was an awful lump on his head.

"Wait, a kid beat the shit out of you?" asked the Pharaoh. "Why didn't you just whack him around the face with your cane? Teach that whippersnapper what's what."

"I don't have a cane," snapped Sugoroku. "And he wasn't a _kid_, really… I think he was one of your classmates, Yuugi."

"Really?" asked Yuugi worriedly. "What did he look like?"

"Well, he was tall—"

"Ah-HA!" exclaimed the Pharaoh, slamming one fist into his open palm. "It must've been that no-good-nick, Jonouchi! I knew he was scheming something, with all his… waiting to cross the street, and bumping into Yuugi!"

"—and he had brown hair—"

"Oh," said the spirit, flattening. "…he must've dyed it between now and when you ran into him, Yuugi."

"I don't think it was Jonouchi, Bakura," said Yuugi. He paused to think. "…could have been Honda, though. …or Ushio, or—uh, Grandpa, do you remember anything else about the guy? Tall with brown hair is _really_ vague."

"Well, I would except you little panty-wastes keep interrupting me!" said Sugoroku, irritated.

"Okay, fine," Yuugi said. "What else?"

"He had blue eyes, and he was thin," Sugoroku said. "There. Was it so hard to just let me finish?!"

"Tall, thin, brown hair, blue eyes…" muttered Yuugi to himself. "That might be… Kaiba? But why would he steal? That guy's loaded!"

"Well," said Sugoroku. "He did offer me a briefcase full of money for the card, actually, but I didn't want to sell it so I told him 'no', and that was when he closed the briefcase and smacked me in the head a few times with it. ….then he took the card."

"He broke open the counter and just _took_ it? That's awful!" said the Pharaoh.

"Well, no—not exactly," Sugoroku said. "The card was on the counter. He took it, and then smashed the counter just because."

"Even worse!"

"Wait a minute," said Yuugi. "He offered you a briefcase full of money and you _turned him down_? Are you insane?! Maybe the beating was to knock some sense into you!"

"I loved that card, I'll have you know!" Sugoroku said defensively. "It was a super-rare card. Blue Eyes White Dragon."

"Sounds pretty gay," said the Pharaoh.

"I don't care what it sounds like," said the old man, smacking the possessed Ryou in the back of the head. "It was valuable—both to me and in general. And it was stolen!"

"I'll go get it back for you, Grandpa," Yuugi said. "I mean, surely Kaiba will listen to reason! Come on, Bakura!"

Ryou frowned. "Why's he trying to bring us along?" he asked the spirit. "We're not involved in all this… trading card stealing!"

"We can't _not_ go," the Pharaoh said. "He invited us over, and apparently crusades to return stolen dragons is part of the planned activities!"

He turned to Yuugi. "I'm with you a hundred percent, Yuugi!" he said to the boy.

"Come on, then!" Yuugi said, and dashed out of the store.

"…look at that ass," murmured the Pharaoh, following. "I'd like to pain a checkerboard on it and tell him to king me!"

"I'm not exactly sure what that means," said Ryou, frowning. "But I'm officially throwing the puzzle away when I get home to prevent it from happening…"


	7. Chapter 7

Kaiba leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms above his head. Outside, the sun was setting, turning the light across his office gold. On his desk sat the newest addition to his card collection—Blue Eyes White Dragon. Another one. That made all of them.

"Now," said Kaiba to himself. "If only this weren't a completely pointless achievement."

The intercom on his desk buzzed, and his secretary's voice came through it, "Mr. Kaiba, there are two angry young men here to see you."

Kaiba frowned. "Do they look like they're part of the Yakuza?"

"No, sir," answered his secretary after a slight pause.

"Oh. Send them in, then," Kaiba said, leaning back in his chair again. After a moment, the door opened and a flustered Yuugi with Ryou in tow charged into the room.

"Kaiba!" yelled Yuugi shaking with rage. "You stole my grandpa's favourite card!"

"Well, then, he shouldn't have made it so easy to take," Kaiba said.

"He has a point, there, Yuugi," murmured Ryou.

"Don't say that to my sex kitten!" said the Pharaoh to Ryou. "You're supposed to be on his side!"

"How do you figure?" asked Ryou blandly.

"If I had an actual hand, I'd smack you," the Pharaoh responded, lifting his hand threateningly.

"Kaiba!" screamed Yuugi, tears in his eyes. "I will not forgive you for this!"

"Okay," said Kaiba simply.

"What…? That's all?" said Yuugi in a slightly deflated voice. "I mean—you're loosing my friendship forever, you know."

"I don't want it anyway."

"…really? Er—no. You're just saying that because you want to pretend you're not hurt by this," said Yuugi. "You're keeping up appearances. I know how it is with you tough guy types."

"I assure you," said Kaiba evenly. "I honestly have no want of your friendship. Ever."

Yuugi frowned. "Why not?"

"You're short, and you smell like old people," Kaiba told him.

"I live with my grandpa," Yuugi said. "And I was malnutritioned as a child."

"Malnutrioned? In a first-world country?" asked Ryou, raising an eyebrow.

Yuugi shrugged. "My parents thought it was funny to feed me nothing but popsicles for the first year and a half of my life."

"Fascinating," said Kaiba dryly. He stood. "Now, this has been just wonderful, but I have to get to a meeting."

"Oh, already?" said Yuugi, disappointment evident in his mesmerizing-ly enormous eyes. "We just got here."

"I have a lot of meetings," Kaiba said, picking up his briefcase. "I run this business, you know. Because, unlike you, _I've_ made something of my life."

"That must be nice," murmured Ryou.

"Oh, it is," said Kaiba as he passed them. He opened the doors and disappeared beyond them.

Yuugi and Ryou stared at the closed door for a moment, each pondering just _how_ nice it might be to have made something of their selves. After sometime, Yuugi's already dangerously wide eyes widened. "Ah, crap!" he said, stomping his foot. "I forgot to get revenge!"

~.~.~.~

A/N: I cannot apologize enough for how long this has taken and how short it is. I've been feeling rather uninspired about this chapter, whilst devoting the bulk of my writing time to an original work. However, I'm really touched so many of you seem to like this. Know it means a lot to me when you review or set this to alerts or favourites. You guys rock. …except you, there—the one with the coke can next to your monitor. You suck.

All the rest of you are made of win.


	8. Chapter 8

Yuugi dragged his feet on his way home, after parting with Ryou outside of Kaiba Corp. "Stupid no-good-nic Kaiba, wouldn't give my back my grandpa's card," he mumbled. "What kind of monster does that?"

"Seems to me he won it square and fair," said Bakura evenly.

"What?! He beat my old grandpa up and stole it!" Yuugi said.

"And in that contest of physical strength and desire for the card, he won," the ancient spirit responded. "Your grandpa should have tried harder."

"He tried plenty hard!"

"Well, then he shouldn't have been so weak."

"He's old!"

"Then he shouldn't have been so old," Bakura said with finality. "I'm at least thirty times his age and I'm not that weak."

"You don't have a body," pointed out Yuugi.

"Yes I do."

"Where?"

"Here. You. You're my body."

"Am not!"

"Are so," said Bakura, poking Yuugi in the chest with a non-existent finger. "I'm a powerful, magical spirit from times long past and I declare it to be so!"

Yuugi snorted. "If you're so powerful, why don't you have a body?"

"We've been over this!" shouted Bakura. "_You_ are my body!"

Yuugi frowned and crossed his arms. "Well, I don't want to be," he scoffed. "You don't do me any good, and you know what, I didn't get a say in any of this. That's not fair."

"Life's not fair."

"Don't lecture me about life. You're dead. Dead people don't get to talk about being alive."

Bakura scowled. "You have the logic of an ox with a concussion," he said.

Yuugi raised his eyebrows and stopped walking. "Speaking of an ox with a concussion, here comes Ushio," he said. He turned toward the garden wall of a neighbouring house. "Don't make eye contact with him!"

"He can't see me," said Bakura flatly. He glanced down the street at the hulk of a man coming near him. "He's a teenager? Gods—he's enormous!"

"Don't look at him!" squeaked Yuugi. "He'll hurt us!"

"He can't see me!" said Bakura again as Yuugi buried his face in the wall. Ushio passed, glaring into the space that Bakura was occupying and, for a moment, Bakura felt that the bully really could see him. Then, Ushio was behind him and continuing up the street. "Weird."

"He's a mean one," Yuugi murmured to the spirit of the ring. "I can't tell you how many beatings he's given me. I had to have a kidney replaced because of him!"

"So he bothers you, huh?" asked the spirit, watching Ushio.

"More than that," said Yuugi. "Did you not catch the part about him breaking my _kidney_?"

"Well, if he bothers you, he bothers me," Bakura said. "And I'm going to do something about him."

Before Yuugi could ask what he meant, Bakura possessed his body. Which was, incidentally, just as well because Yuugi didn't really care what he meant. He didn't like the idea of Bakura going after his classmates—mostly. That 'mostly' was the exception he made for Ushio.

Bakura, in Yuugi's body, grabbed the lid of a nearby trash can and ran down the side walk after Ushio. "Hey, Ushio!" he called. The giant of a man turned around and Bakura threw the trashcan lid at him. With a metallic clank and a cracking sound, Ushio's nose turned sideways in an unnatural way and blood gushed out of it. Bakura picked up the trash can and hurled it at Ushio, hitting him squarely in the face. Ushio let out a squeaking cry.

"Gah! Yuugi!" he said, covering his face in his hands. "This is—why would you do this? My face!"

"Your face is a horse's ass!" said Bakura. "Now, get out of here before I find something I can kill you with!"

With a frightened cry, Ushio spun around and ran around the corner, out of sight.

"Jeez, Bakura—that was a little hardcore, wasn't it?"

"Earned you some more friends though," said Bakura, pointing across the street, to where Jonouchi and Honda were watching the scene. They grinned and nodded their approval before walking off. "I'll make sure they stay with you _forever_."

"Don't turn them into dolls!" screeched Yuugi.

"I make no promises," said Bakura dryly.


	9. Chapter 9

"You completely and utterly failed to help my beloved little butt kitten at all!" the Pharaoh yelled at Ryou when they parted from Yuugi outside of Kaiba Corp.

"What was I supposed to do?" Ryou asked. "Kaiba out smarted us. Besides, I couldn't help anyway…"

"Yeah, I guess you're right," mumbled the spirit. "You're so pale and wispy it's a wonder you haven't already been torn to shreds on a slight breeze."

"Well, that was kind of uncalled for," mumbled Ryou. He sighed, looking around. "My dad's going to kill me for being so late…"

"That's not good," said the Pharaoh. "I mean, killing you is a far more serious punishment than the situation calls for. You should call Social Services."

"I tried that once; they just said to call back after I was 'done being a whiney little pussy'."

"Ouch. Zinged by a governmental organization," said the spirit of the puzzle. "That's just… Well, that's sad is what it is."

Ryou murmured his agreement.

"Still," said the Pharaoh. "You need to help Yuugi do whatever it was we went to that place to do and didn't."

"You mean, get back his grandfather's card?"

"Yes! Yes, that's the one!" said the Pharaoh. "That!"

"Yeah… no."

The Pharaoh pouted. "What do you mean, 'no'? My precious little big-eyed sex-pastry is probably at home, crying his enormous eyes out over this!"

"It's just a card," Ryou said. "Honestly, it can't possibly mean that much to him."

"But it's all his grandpa left him!"

"His grandpa's still alive."

"Yes, well, he's also old," the spirit said, wagging a finger at Ryou. "And when he inevitably croaks—probably in the next half hour or so, how it looked to me—all that Yuugi will have is that card. Except, he won't have it. Because _you're_ a coward!"

"I'm not a coward!" said Ryou, getting flustered. "I'm just a man minding my own business!"

"Isn't 'man' a bit of stretch?"

Ryou sighed. "Is there any way this argument will end with you just shutting up and leaving me alone?"

The Pharaoh crossed his arms stubbornly and shook his head. "I am a paladin for my dearest love frittata."

Ryou sighed again. "Look, you know what?—Okay, fine. We'll go back, and we'll ask Kaiba very nicely if he'll give the card back."

"And if he doesn't, we'll take it back by force!"

"…well, no. Actually I was thinking we'd just, uh, go home and not bother him any more, so that he doesn't call security on us and have us dragged out of his building and beaten."

"Take it back by force!" shouted the Pharaoh. He pointed an ethereal finger in the air. "To Kaiba Corp!"

#$#$#

Kaiba looked up from his desk as Ryou entered meekly. "You again? What do you want?" he said.

"Uhm. I kind of… I kind of want that card you stole, please," Ryou said nervously.

"Oh, certainly," said Kaiba. He opened up his desk drawer and pulled out the card. Then, he promptly tore it in half. "Oops. Looks like no one gets it now. Ha, sucker. Get out of my office!"

"Dude! Yuugi McSexy-Sexington's card!" shouted the Pharaoh, taking control of Ryou's body. "Why would you do that? What was the point of taking it at all if you were just going to tear it in half?"

"I'm proving a point," Kaiba said. "And that point is I'm rich and powerful, and also an extreme ass. I can do whatever I want—and I will. Also, I already have, like, three of those cards. I can't put the fourth one in the deck anyway."

"Then why did you _steal _the fourth?"

"I'm an ass. I already told you this," said Kaiba. "Now, go. I tire of this conversation, and your ugly white face."

"Yeah, well, I tire of your momma," said the Pharaoh. "'Cause I was with her all night long. Oh, snap!"

Kaiba looked at him somberly. "My mother's dead."

The Pharaoh's face fell. "Oh," he said. He glanced around. "Time to make an exit. MIND CRUSH!"

He thrust out one hand and Kaiba's eyes went blank as his head hit the desk. Ryou looked at the Pharaoh, eyes wide, "What did you do? Oh my god, did you just kill him? I'm going to get in so much trouble for this—"

"No, dude, it's fine," said the Pharaoh, relinquishing control of Ryou's body. "He's just got a mild concussion. He'll wake up in half an hour. I swear. …all the same though, we should, ah, probably get out of here…"

And so they did.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Sorry updates for this are so... ridiculously lame. My attention to this fandom has waned, in addition to the fact that I mostly wrote myself into a corner here. I'm attempting to write myself out of it, but I can't promise that I won't just write myself into a different corner. (Maybe I can write myself into a whole new house. That'd be pretty sweet.)

###

Yuugi moped up in his room, on his bed, with his knees drawn up his chest. Mopeingly. And without taking off his shoes.

"You are getting dirt all over your bed," the spirit of the ring told him.

"Why do you care?" asked Yuugi, furrowing his brow. Which sort of made him look like an enormous, angry owl.

Bakura shrugged. "I don't—not really," he said. "But... It's just going to be all sandy when you try to sleep. And sandy beds are very uncomfortable. Trust me. I know well about sandy beds. As a matter of fact, I've slept in many sandy beds. Very sandy. Why, some were so sandy there was little to no actual bed in them."

"Just sand?"

"Just sand."

"Oh," said Yuugi, un-mopeing a little to dangle his feet over the side of his bed. "I'm just so sad, you know? Grandpa's favourite card was stolen and I couldn't do squat to get it back."

"You want to know what I think?" said Bakura. He continued on without waiting for Yuugi to tell him if he did, in fact, want to know what he thought. "I think familial duty is overrated and it just gets you in all sorts of bad and uncomfortable places. Like itchy sweater vests."

"What...?"

"You don't owe that old codger a thing," said the spirit, waving one thin, ethereal finger at Yuugi. "If he wanted to not be stolen from, he should have not been so damned thieveable."

"I'm not sure that 'thieveable' is an actual word," murmured Yuugi. "In fact, I'm pretty certain that you just made it up."

"The weak deserve to be knocked down and to have their stuff taken. And do you know why?"

"Something tells me that I don't want to know," said Yuugi.

"Because it's fun to knock them down and it's even more fun to take their stuff," Bakura told him.

"I think we've had this conversation before," sighed Yuugi.

The spirit of the ring paused and bit his lower lip. "What, really? ...how'd it end?"

"I dunno. I called you a lunatic and we agreed to disagree, probably."

"Well screw that! Peaceful departures in point of view are for losers and idiots!" said the spirit. "You're going to see it my way, and you're going to like it!"

"I... I don't want to, though."

Bakura narrowed his eyes. "That's where the 'whether you like it or not' comes in."

"You never said whether I like it or not," said Yuugi.

The spirit paused. "I... didn't? No... It definitely seems like the sort of thing I'd say there... Er. Give me a second; I need to sort this out."

The Sennen Ring flashed as the spirit disappeared into it and Yuugi sighed. Safe for another few minutes. With a sigh he lay down on his bed and tried to think of another way to get his grandpa's card back. With a jolt, he sat upright. "Oh, crap—Grandpa!" he said, jumping to his feet. "I left him down stairs in a heap of broken glass! I should get him to a hospital or something! Oh, jeez!"


	11. Chapter 11

"I've got it," said Yuugi to the Spirit of the Ring several days later as he sat in class. "I'll challenge Kaiba to a duel for the card!"

Bakura stared at him. "It took you that long to formulate your revenge?"

"I'm new at formulating revenge," Yuugi replied sheepishly. "How long does it usually take?"

"Well, I formulated my first revenge on the spot," the spirit told him. "Also, mine contained plans to physically and mentally accost the man who wronged me, instead of challenging him to a friendly card game."

"It won't be friendly," said Yuugi. "It'll be tense, and full of uncomfortable silences."

"Sounds like the average family dinner. I think you should throw bricks through his windows."

"That's illegal…"

"Perhaps," the spirit said. "But it's also far more vengeful."

"I don't want to do anything illegal. I just want to get Grandpa's card back."

"It's not like the cops will show up. I mean, did they show up when you called them about Kaiba robbing and then assaulting your grandfather?"

Yuugi frowned. "Well, no, but that's mostly because we never called them."

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "Well, why don't you call them now?"

Rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment, Yuugi said, "Well, it happened about a week ago, and I'd just feel silly calling about it _now_. Besides, Kaiba's rich. It's not like anything's going to happen to him. Rich people never get arrested."

"What about all those corrupt businessmen that are always on the news, getting arrested?"

Yuugi scowled. "Exceptions to the rule. Now shush. I like my plan for revenge and I plan to carry it out. It's a good plan—not too harsh, but it'll still tell him I'm miffed about being wronged."

"So would throwing bricks through his windows."

Across the room, Ryou and the Spirit of the Puzzle watched Yuugi.

"I feel so bad about his grandfather's Duel Monsters card," said Ryou. "Don't you think we should tell him that Kaiba destroyed it?"

"What good would that do?" asked the Pharaoh. "It'd only upset him. And I, for one, will not be party to the upset-ation of my beautiful little kaleidoscope of perfection."

"He might want closure about the whole thing," said Ryou. "I don't know. It just doesn't seem right to _not _tell him."

The Pharaoh thought for a moment. "Well, I suppose we could write a note about it, and then attach it to a brick, and then throw the brick through his window."

"That's illegal…"

"Well, I just don't want to have to see my sex-baby's face when you tell him that Kaiba tore his precious card to pieces like it was only so much paper!"

"It is only so much paper," sighed Ryou. He paused and looked around. "About Kaiba, though… what, uh, what exactly did you do to him when we were there?"

"What do you mean? I didn't do anything. They can't prove it."

Ryou frowned. "All I mean is that I haven't seen him around school since you did that, and… Well, I'm just going to come out and ask—"

"Oh, so you're _finally_ coming out, huh?" asked the Pharaoh, smirking. "Knew it."

"—Did you kill Kaiba?" asked Ryou, ignoring his comment.

The Pharaoh paused, biting his lip. Finally, he answered slowly, "I killed parts of Kaiba. The rest of him's alive, though. And probably extremely pissed."

"That doesn't sound too good," said Ryou. "Which parts did you kill? What if he sues?"

"If he sues it'll be the world's dumbest civil court case," said the spirit of the puzzle. "I mean, he'll have to claim that we used magic in order to harm him. I mean, I can imagine that claim flying in stupider parts of the world, like Belgium, but this is Japan. No one will buy that. It would ruin his reputation."

"…why Belgium?"

"Trust me on that one."

"Alright, fine, but—I mean, what if he doesn't recover from… whatever that was that you did." Ryou paused. "What exactly _did _you do?"

"I Mind Crushed him," said the Pharaoh. "And if he never recovers from it… Fine. He was a dick, anyway. Always stealing things and beating old people and then destroying the things he stole instead of giving them back."

"I don't think he was _always_ doing that," Ryou said. "I mean, I've never heard of it happening outside of this singular incident. Maybe he just had a lapse of judgment. Everyone does some times."

"Eh… I prefer to think he's a dick."

"What if he comes to get me for what you did, huh? He's kind of scary. And tall. And he has eyes like steel…" Ryou shivered, as any of us would, at the though of Kaiba seeking revenge.

"It's fine," said the Pharaoh, waving the idea away. "He's a businessman. Everyone knows they're only into white-collar crime."

"He's already assaulted someone!"

"Lapse of judgement—eh, hey. How long has your class been out?"

"Eh?" Ryou looked around to find he was in a deserted classroom. "You distracted me! Now I've missed what our assignment is, I didn't get to talk to Yuugi, and I'm going to be late for cram school!"

"Why are you always angry with me?"

"Because you do and say stupid things!"


	12. Chapter 12

Yuugi paced up and down the sidewalk outside of Kaiba Corp, the spirit of the Ring watching him mildly. "We've been out here for fifteen minutes," he mumbled. "Why don't you go in already?"

"I'm nervous," said Yuugi.

"Why?"

"Because," Yuugi said. "Kaiba is _terrifying_! That guy's got eyes… Man, they're so cold and unfeeling it makes my balls retreat into my abdominal cavity."

Bakura raised one eyebrow.

"That's not an exaggeration, either," Yuugi assured the spirit. "I mean it very, very literally. I mean, they only just came down from the last time we were here. And just thinking about those eyes of his are making them want to go back up—"

"This… is not information I need or want," said the spirit of the Ring, looking away.

Yuugi stopped and bit his lower lip, looking up at the building. "Okay," he said. "Okay, I can do this… I just have to believe in myself! Because if I don't believe in myself—… I'll stop existing!"

"That doesn't make sense."

"Okay!" said Yuugi, gathering up his courage, and entering Kaiba Corp. Bakura followed along behind him with a sigh.

"You're such an idiot," mumbled the spirit.

"And you're such a jerk," Yuugi said, pressing the button for the elevator.

They stepped into the elevator. "Believe, Yuugi," mumbled the boy shakily. "Believe in yourself… Believe in yourself… Believe in Santa Claus… And also in yourself…"

"Santa Claus…?"

"Shush," said Yuugi as the elevator stopped. "It's part of my process. And if you disrupt my process, you won't get any presents for Christmas."

The spirit of the ring frowned. "But… I _want_ presents."

"Then don't question the process," said Yuugi, stepping out of the elevator. He walked up to a bored-looking secretary seated at a desk. "Hi, I'm here to see Mr. Kaiba."

"Do you have an appointment?" she asked, slouching in her chair.

"Do I? No. No I do not," said Yuugi. "But I _do _have adorable, disarming and almost child-like features that no feeling creature can resist."

"I'm sorry, but you're going to need an appointment."

"W-wait," said Yuugi. "But, I'm in Kaiba's class!"

The secretary frowned. "Go on," she prompted after a moment.

"A-and, see, well he keeps missing class," said Yuugi, rubbing the back of his head."

"Go on…"

"So," Yuugi said, glancing around. "So I'm here to bring him the assignments he's missed!"

"…Go on…"

Yuugi frowned. "Well, that's it. That's the whole thing."

"Oh," said the secretary. She glanced at the door to Kaiba's office and then back at Yuugi. "Well, Mr. Kaiba's not feeling so well. I don't think he can come out and play."

Yuugi slumped his shoulders. "But, my grandfather's card…"

"Huh?"

"I mean," said Yuugi. "Oh, but his missed assignments…!"

The secretary pursed her lips. "Well, I guess you can go in," she said. "Mr. Kaiba does like meaningless school assignments, after all. Go right ahead."

"Whee!" cheered Yuugi, running to the doors. He pushed them open and, followed silently by the spirit, boldly marching into Kaiba's office. "Kaiba! I've come for my grandfather's card! Duel me!"

Kaiba looked up, wincing. "Nn—your grandfather's… Oh. It's you again," he said flatly. "Keep it down. I feel like my head's been smashed in with a bag of stainless-steel hammers."

"Oddly specific," Yuugi murmured. "You could have just said 'bag of hammers' or maybe 'bricks'."

"It's a very specific kind of pain," Kaiba responded. "Now get lost. This room is for geniuses and geniuses only."

"No deal, Kaiba!" shouted Yuugi.

"What did I tell you about the noise?"

"Oh, right." Yuugi whispered, "No deal, Kaiba."

"Well, now I can't hear you at all," Kaiba said. "Here, come closer. Come to the desk."

"Okay," said Yuugi. He crossed the room and came to stand next to Kaiba's desk. "Is this better?" Kaiba nodded and gestured for Yuugi to repeat himself. "No deal, Kaiba."

"That's much better," said Kaiba. He threw a punch, hitting Yuugi in the jaw and sprawling him sideways over the desk. "_So_ much better."

"Ow, my boyish good looks!" cried Yuugi.

"That's for your friend," said Kaiba. "He came in here and… crushed my mind, or something ridiculous like that. And it hurt, damn it."

"Liar," said Yuugi, holding his jaw. "I don't have any friends!"

"The one with the white hair… You came in here with him the other day, remember?"

"Oh, Bakura? No, Bakura's not my friend," said Yuugi. "He's just a minor inconvenience in most of my plans."

"Well, whatever he is to you," said Kaiba, leaning back in his chair. "He's the one you can thank for that punch."

"I really wasn't planning to thank anybody for it," Yuugi said. "It hurt."

Kaiba sighed. "Look, what do you want? What's the fastest way to get you out of my office so I can get back to work?"

"Duel me."

"Fine," said Kaiba tiredly. He reached into his jacket and pulled out his deck, as Yuugi pulled out his. They shuffled and placed their cards on the desk. Kaiba laid his hand atop his deck. "I forfeit. You win."

"Yay!" said Yuugi, pumping one hand in the air. "I win!"

"Congratulations," said Kaiba blandly. "Now get out of my office."

"I won," said Yuugi happily to the spirit of the ring.

"Eh, your grandfather's card?" said Bakura.

"Oh—right, right, right," said Yuugi, stopping and turning back to Kaiba. "I came for my grandpa's card. Since I won you have to give it to me!"

"That? I tore that up," said Kaiba. "The pieces should be in the dumpster out back if you want to scrounge around for them."

Yuugi's eyes widened, as they are wont to do. "G-grandpa's card!"

Kaiba smirked. "Kind of a hallow victory, huh?" he asked smugly.

Indeed it was, Kaiba, indeed it was.

_**A/N:**__ Sorry this doesn't get updated very often. Forgiveness, please?_

_Also, if'n it interests anyone—and I don't know that it will—I'm currently working with my brother to make a Death Note Abridged series. The first two episodes are _very _viewable, if'n you check the link on my profile._

_Okay, much love to every one who reads! Sorry again for very bad updates. Also, have a very, very pleasant day~!_


	13. Note

Author's Note: All right—so I've let this story sit for a very long time and I'm sorry to all the people who were hoping I'd update. The fact of the matter is, I haven't had much interest in fanfiction in a while. I'm very sorry to everyone who had an interest in this story, or any of the others I've been writing. I've been focusing, instead, on original fiction and—amazingly—I've gotten a book published! If you liked this story and want to support my original writing, I would be absolutely thrilled. My book is called Dirge for a Necromancer, and there's a link to it on my profile page.

I won't be continuing this story, I'm very sad to say. I hope you all will understand. I just thought I should let anyone who was waiting for an update know that it won't be coming. I'm very sorry.


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